


You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

by TrashqueenofAngmar91



Series: Of Irk and Earth [3]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: AU, F/M, Hence the story’s title, I will update this when inspiration strikes, MerMay, Purple still loves his snacks though, Reader is a human woman, Reader is the same one from my main story except she’s on a boat, Swearing, The Irken are still aliens but they’re merfolk, The Merfolk I portray here are primarily carnivores/predatory, The Tallest are HUGE, They have some other differences but they’re still Irken for the most part, They’re also more animalistic in certain ways too, This will be a collection of oneshots and I will try to keep events in chronological order, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashqueenofAngmar91/pseuds/TrashqueenofAngmar91
Summary: Being the designated driver sucks. But at least you know you’re not crazy or hallucinating when you see a huge ass, talking, man-fish-alien-thing swimming around the boat.
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Purple/Reader
Series: Of Irk and Earth [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749388
Comments: 24
Kudos: 91





	You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

**Author's Note:**

> I had to do it. I’ve seen so many people’s awesome interpretations of Irken mermaids for MerMay and I had to contribute. I can’t draw for shit so I figured I’d at least write a little fic. It was fun and something different to write. 
> 
> I figured I’d make it a Merfolk!Purple/Reader thing because yes. Serotonin is good for the brain and all that jazz. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Light from the Deep

" _You know I love you even when you don't try. I know that our love will never die. Hey darlin', when you look into my eyes, please, tell me you'll never have to say goodbye. 'Cause I can't wait this is what I've been waiting for. I can't wait til my love walks in the door…_ "

Of course, you opted to be the responsible one. You were typically like that. Usually, you didn't mind it. But on this night, for once, you wished you could be as careless and stupid as your coworkers. Sometimes, it was a drag being the most mature out of your colleagues.

Yet you insisted on practicing your boating skills. You saw this would be the key occasion to utilize this opportunity. On this night, you would be the group's sacrifice. Even though your boss tried to convince you to let him drive the boat and relax, you insisted that it was alright. You persuaded him to leave it all up to you. Truthfully, he was more stressed than you. After all, he was the one who had to organize the whole mandatory relocation event that tore you from your beloved woods.

Of course, Zach and Kendra were smashed already. It took a little more coercion to let Ted unwind but he was right behind them. Now three people on the speedboat were trashed. The odd one out, you, only stewed in silence.

"Where are ya goin..?" your female coworker drawled.

"Just gonna check the weather and make sure things are okay," you retorted.

It was true but more than anything else, you just wanted to get out of the boat's cramped cabin. It was getting uncomfortably hot and sticky and it was grating against your already frayed nerves. You hoped you'd be able to cool off physically and emotionally on the deck.

"You're not gonna get caught!" Zach called after you. "Crack a cold one!"

"No, Zach," you remarked, "I'm the designated driver, remember? Maybe next time."

"Lemme know if you need help with anything on deck!" Ted added.

"It's okay, Ted. Relax and drink. You deserve it."

Your inebriated coworkers seemed pleased with your answer and resumed their previous duties of beer drinking and talking loudly. They turned up the volume on the radio and drunkenly started to sing along to whatever song was playing now. Their main objective was to have a night of fun before they'd begin their first day on the new job.

You pushed past them and lowered your head, trying to not hit your head on the low doorway. Yeah, you were sure that some time away from them would do you some good… You couldn't let your worsening mood get to you.

You stepped out of the cabin and up onto the deck. The night was clear and perfect. The moon was high, bright and full, giving you extra light to work with. The stars way above twinkled, casting more luminescence for you. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and as far as you could see, the horizon looked bare and calm. It looked like the weather reporters were right after all.

The smell of the sea filled your sinuses and you inhaled and exhaled deeply. You had to admit, the scent was soothing and you could easily get used to smelling it every day. The waves gently rocked the boat back and forth and the water seemed serene too. Even the breeze was light and wasn't whipping your hair about. In fact, it surprised you with how calm everything seemed to be.

Keeping your footsteps as light as possible, you carefully walked along the hull, making your way up to the bow. Although you could swim, if you could avoid slipping and falling into the ocean, that'd be great. You didn't want to end up soaked or cut yourself on something. Last thing you needed was injuring yourself and getting blood in the water. All you wanted was to bask under the moon and starlight and enjoy the peace of the maritime night.

You sat down on the edge of the bow and dangled your legs over the edge. Your eyes focused on the sight directly ahead, seeing the lights of houses and buildings on the shore. In the distance, you could make out the silhouette of the pier and the street lights that illuminated the boardwalk.

It was agreed upon beforehand that the boat wouldn't go too far out in the water. Half a mile was the limit and you were all too happy to abide by those regulations. You weren't comfortable with going out too much farther. Besides, the farther you went out, the less safe it was for you to be out on the speedboat. It was rather large, about thirty feet long but it wasn't appropriate for deeper waters.

It was a tough week for you. You had to move all of your belongings and pets from your cabin up at Red Leaf State Park and relocate to this stretch of South Carolinian coast. Ted, the head ranger and your boss, argued with the government about this abrupt uprooting and tried to fight the reassignment as much as he could. It was so strange because you and your colleagues were equipped and trained to patrol forests and yet you were taken out of your element and thrust into this brand-new environment. You were being trained and accommodated for this new job but you were extremely begrudging and displeased over the whole ordeal. But the federal authorities weren't budging and insisted that Ted and his junior rangers to be transferred to this place. They also bequeathed a healthy, hefty bonus to you and your companions for the move.

You weren't sure why they did this. All they said was that they needed wildlife surveyors and "specialists". That sounded like a job for a biologist or someone specifically qualified but they insisted on enlisting you and your fellow rangers. They said they were investigating drastic changes in the environment and you and your colleagues still had to be briefed completely on the matter. Apparently, it was classified information and that was all you knew. Truthfully, it was irritating and inconvenient.

You had to move from several states over and had to travel hundreds upon hundreds of miles to get here. This was a new biome and you had to familiarize yourself with strange flora and fauna. This was going to be a bitch of a time. But you had to look on the bright side of things.

This new area you were assigned to, Sand Dollar State Park, was quaint and had its charm. Your official duty was to patrol the marshes, woods and shallow coastal waters that consisted of the park. It was a tourist locale and nature preserve but it was also quiet and peaceful enough. At least you weren't right next to a resort city. That would've made it simply unbearable.

The whole move and transition was weird and a bit scary but you'd get over it. It was just something new you'd have to acquaint yourself with. Not only that, you wouldn't be doing this all alone. You'd have your three coworkers to rely on. They were in it with you despite how annoyed you were with them at the moment. You all had to rely on one another.

For a few minutes, you rotated between staring up at the sky and then looking down into the water. Both were the same inky color. The moon and starlight reflected on the gently moving water, almost looking like it was a mirror reflecting the heavens above. It was tranquil and you could feel yourself deflating slowly but surely.

As you blankly stared at the perpetually moving water, you saw something that caught your attention. You blinked as you saw a flash of color in the dark liquid. It was a soft, steady, purple glow of some sort. It seemed to grow brighter and brighter as the seconds ticked by. Curiously, you studied the light, wondering what exactly it was.

"What is that…" you muttered to yourself.

It had to have been a species of squid. You knew some of those species had bioluminescence. Some deeper sea varieties came up from the depths during the night to feed close to the surface. That was your initial impression and you thought maybe a school of these multi-armed invertebrates were making their debut. That had to have been the cause of this.

But there was a problem with your theory. This didn't seem to be dozens of small squid flitting about and feeding in the water. Instead, it seemed to be too linear and singular. You got the impression it was a sole animal and not a school of small creatures.

The unearthly, purple glow grew brighter as it approached the surface. When it came closer, you could make out something huge. You looked along the hull of the boat, seeing more of the bioluminescent patches. The boat was thirty feet long and whatever this thing was, it was that exact length or perhaps a little longer. It didn't hit you until then just how enormous this creature was. In fact, you didn't want to know what it was. As far as you knew, there was nothing this big and glowing in these waters.

Okay…maybe it was a world record, mutant oarfish. That was your next best guess.

"Mother of God," you gasped. "What the hell am I looking at?"

You had to tell your coworkers about this. They wouldn't believe it unless if they saw it with their own eyes. You just hoped Zach wouldn't be stupid enough to dive in after it to get up close and personal with this weird fish.

Slowly and cautiously, you started to stand up. When you lowered your head, you looked directly below you. When you did that, you almost screamed.

There was something staring up at you. Your eyes had since adjusted to the darkness and you could make out some sort of torso that was raised up about seven feet above the waterline. More of the purple patches ran up the side of its trunk and it lit up its shape and you could see it had two, long, gangly arms. At the end of the arms, there were two, spindly, clawed fingers complete with a thumb. As far as you could tell, they were also webbed. Its waist was extremely tapered and thin but you could make out that it was also sturdy. The creature's shoulders were also on the skinny side but you swore you could see the lean but powerful musculature it had to its frame. You noticed that its eyes were huge and purple, almost looking like polished amethysts in the bright night. Aside from the purple patches on its skin, you could see it was mostly colored a soft, pale green all over. And to top it all off, it appeared like it had two antennae of some sort on the back of its cranium.

This thing was smiling at you. Its teeth were sharp and numerous. This thing was definitely a predatory creature and that scared the hell out of you. There was no way this being was an animal. You could see intelligence and mischief in its large eyes and the way it smiled at you? You knew it was up to no good.

You couldn't break the stare. The instant you'd look away, it would pull you into the dark waters and you'd never be seen again. You were too close to the end of the bow and you knew you wouldn't be able to escape. You were trapped and the both of you knew it.

Ever so carefully and stealthily, you tried to scoot back on your butt. You had to pull your legs from over the edge and crawl back to the cabin. Where the fuck were your coworkers? Why didn't they want to get out of that coffin of a space and get some fresh sea air? Why didn't they come out and save you? How useless were they?

The sea monster noticed your subtle movement. You gasped loudly when it reared all the way up to the bow where you were and dugs its claws into the side of the boat. The boat shook from the movement but it settled quickly. You could see that its whole body was slowly wrapping around the vessel, lifting itself out of the water. It looked like a sea serpent of sorts but you knew it wasn't anything like that. The torso and face was humanoid in appearance but the rest of its body was anything but that.

"Nice night, isn't it?"

Did this thing just speak? And in perfect English?

All you could do was stare back, absolutely dumbfounded and astonished. You were at a loss for words and had no idea how to react. Well, you did know how to react but had inkling of how to execute it without being killed by this bizarre being. You wanted to cut the anchor, throw the boat into drive and race off towards the marina at breakneck speed. You'd happily go way beyond the acceptable knots and violate the area's speed limit, you didn't give a shit.

"You know, I know you can talk, I heard you earlier," the creature persisted. "You better say something or I'll just pull you in, devour you and be done with it."

"No, no, no, no!" you said hurriedly, finding your voice now that it threatened you. "Let's not do that, okay?!"

"Ah, there we go!" Its smile never faded. "What, you've never seen something like me before?"

"…no."

"Maybe that was a stupid question."

If you had to guess, it was most likely a male. Its voice was softer and somewhat higher pitched but you could tell it had a masculine inflection to it. Yet you weren't going to be making an assumptions until you had more answers. Or at least come up with more theories until you were safely away from the water.

"Can I help you?" you asked.

Perhaps if you were polite and accommodating with the creature, it'd go away. With the way it was hauling its length out of the water and resting on the boat, you didn't have any doubts about its strength. It was probably totally poised to pull the boat into the depths and eat you and your colleagues.

It moved closer to you. You visibly cringed but you forced yourself to remain brave. You could see a set of gills on its neck. It was clearly adapted to breathing underwater but here it was talking and acting like being out of the water wasn't an issue.

"Actually, yeah," he said. "Your friends are loud and annoying. I can hear them from up here."

"Oh," you blinked. "Really?"

"Really." He sounded annoyed. "I was going to overturn the boat and eat them but I saw you were out and you seemed like you weren't acting like a drunken idiot. I like to have some fun myself but I live around here and their noise is scaring off my prey. It's getting on my nerves."

You couldn't believe you were actually having this conversation. Maybe you were as drunk as your coworkers and you were having some crazy dream or something. All you knew was that none of this made sense. This couldn't have been real.

"I'm sorry," you choked out, still trying to come to terms with the current situation. "I can get my boat out of here right now. Just hang on and I'll be outta your, uh, fins…"

"I can see you're new around here," he cut in. He blinked and turned his head to side, studying you. It seemed like he wasn't as peeved as he was moments ago.

"How can you tell?"

"I'm pretty sneaky and I recognize the Humans that go by around these waters on their boats."

"You guessed right…"

"Welcome to my waters then!"

It appeared to you that he staked a claim around here. Now you were seriously thinking about quitting your job and handing in your resignation first thing in the morning. You were pretty sure dealing with a sea monster wasn't in your contract. You didn't sign up for this terrifying nonsense.

"What or who are you exactly?" you asked, deciding to take a chance.

"My name is Purple," he said, his smirk returning. "And what am I? I'm an Irken and clearly not from this planet."

Ah. So, it wasn't just a regular old sea monster on your hands. It was an alien one. That just made things ten times more interesting. There was no way anyone would believe you.

"And what're you doing on Earth?" you pressed, wanting more answers.

"There's strife going on with my people," he revealed. Meanwhile, he didn't sound like he was particularly concerned about it either. "And I'm here because they wouldn't suspect I'd be here. Besides, this planet has so much water and it's too easy for me to hide."

"Right."

This was too wild. You had to be dreaming or drunk or something. What was unfolding made zero sense. But you knew it was all too real and vivid. This was actually happening right in front of you. While you wanted to discredit yourself and believe you were somehow hallucinating, you knew it was too true. This wasn't some masterfully crafted prank.

Those teeth were too sharp. Those scales and glowing patches were too convincing. And those eyes were too bright and full of life. He was so close that you could see tiny blood vessels or veins in the webbing of his fingers. He definitely smelled like a fish but it wasn't offensive or overwhelming. Instead, there seemed to be some crisp, cool twang to it which made no sense to you.

"It's an experience for me too," he said. His antennae twitched and tilted his head to the side. "I never been this close to a living Earthling…and a female at that. It's funny how your kind can swim but yet you're so out of your element in the water!"

"Well, we have legs, not fins and tails…" you said. You internally shuddered at his gaze. It was intense and you could see that he was studying you intently.

"Can you swim?"

"Yeah…"

"You should drop in for a swim sometime."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"What, are you afraid of sharks? That's stupid. I literally eat them for breakfast!"

"I don't doubt it. But with you in the water, I'm not sure if I feel…secure."

He laughed and placed a hand across his chest, looking as if he was offended. Purple snorted and rested his chin in the palm of his available hand. His eyes narrowed for a moment before they returned to their normal but large size.

"You've got nothing to fear from me as long as you do me a favor," he said. "I know that the Humans that patrol these waters are onto me. I overheard them talking on one of their boat a month ago…they were talking about bringing in extra help. You're a new face so I put two and two together." He smirked cruelly. "You're here to catch me."

If that was the case, you wanted to raise Hell. You were told nothing about this. They were already vague about this transfer to another state and location. If this was true, oh, you were beyond livid. You were never told you were supposed to be hunting some alien mermaid.

"You look surprised," he called you out. But he also sounded confused now. "You didn't know about me?"

"Hell no!" you almost yelled. "They told me nothing about this! They lied to me and my coworkers about being here!"

"Hmmm. I wasn't expecting them to trick you like that. Then how about we make a deal?"

This was insane. You were neck deep in Shit Creek now. From the look of it, you definitely weren't going to get out of this now. You moved and you couldn't go back to your old job. This was officially your life now.

"Which is?" you asked, raising a brow.

"I will fight to defend myself," he said. "I just want to lay low on this planet and enjoy myself. I would love it if you helped keep my existence a secret. Your superiors lied to you about coming here? Don't you think it's payback by returning the favor to them and denying my existence? I'll leave you alone and you'll be free to come and go as you please in my waters. All I want from you is to help hide me."

"What did you do to warrant them to try to root you out?"

"Look, I just shredded a few fishing nets, stole some catches and I kind of disposed of a fisherman's body."

WHAT?

"And this is my cue to get the fuck out of dodge," you said hurriedly.

But before you could scoot away or crawl off, he lashed out. He latched one of his hands onto your arm and pulled you towards his torso. He held you tight to him and you could see something akin to panic in his eyes.

"It was self defense!" he revealed. "It was a bad night for me and he caught sight of me while I was foraging for crabs. He actually had the nerve to shoot me with a harpoon gun and he dove into the shallows after me with a huge knife in his hand! He was gonna filet me and I wasn't gonna let that happen so I turned the tables on him!"

"They found his body?!" you questioned.

"A piece of him! I totally missed it! I ate what I could!"

Fantastic. He wasn't bluffing when he threatened to feed on you and your coworkers earlier from the sound of it. You could feel the color leaving your face and you were petrified with fear at this point. There was pretty much nothing stopping him from taking a huge chunk out of your neck and chowing down on you right now. You were helpless and you knew it.

"Look, I don't actively hunt Earthlings!" he said, easily catching onto your terror. "I was defending myself and I decided…"

"Okay, shut up!" you interrupted. "I don't need to know anymore!"

"Promise me, Human. Promise you'll keep my existence a secret. I will respect what I offered you earlier."

A maneater was swimming around the South Carolinian coast now. Great. And now he was negotiating with you, wanting to preserve his livelihood on Earth. There was no doubt that he was a viable, legitimate threat. He was clearly a sentient creature and he was deadly to boot. Purple wasn't to be trifled with and you knew it all too well.

There was no desire in your heart to endanger the lives of your coworkers. As far as you were concerned, you still wanted to live to see another day as well. There was nothing stopping him from dragging this boat into the dank depths in this very instant. You didn't doubt his destructive capabilities and you didn't want to test it either. The length and girth of his tail was impressive and you could see it was well muscled. If he sensed you were untrustworthy, he'd do it and you and your colleagues would never be found again.

Yes, you would heed his plea. But something else needed to be addressed.

"Yeah, I'll honor your secret," you said, nodding your head. "But you have to do something for me in return."

"Name it," Purple encouraged.

"If I find out you've killed and consumed another person, it's over. I will betray you in a heartbeat. I'm not going to let you hurt any folks on my watch and I mean it. I will get the Navy Seals to come after you and there won't be a damn thing you can do to save yourself. Do you understand me? Harpoon guns will be the least of your concerns."

You meant that too and you certainly weren't going to trust him. He wasn't of this world and you knew he was a force to be reckoned with. You weren't going to treat this situation lightly in the slightest bit.

"Deal," he said, nodding his head. His expression turned grim for a moment. "And if you go back on your word, don't ever come back into the water. I will hunt you down. Also, believe me when I say you won't be safe on land either. I have my ways, Human."

Marvelous, you were threatening each other. But both of you needed to assert your points. You weren't a pushover and neither was he. He was serious about this ordeal and so were you.

"I get the picture," you remarked. "No need to remind me."

"Now I need one last thing from you before I leave you be," he said, folding his hands together. "Aside from that music and obnoxious voices, there was something else that attracted me to your boat."

Purple released you and pointed to the driver's seat. Sitting up in the upholstered chair was an open bag of potato chips. He licked his lips and stared at the bag longingly.

"I've stolen my fair share of food from Humans' boats when they weren't looking," he said. "The chips are delicious!"

That was the least you could do. And if it would appease him and get him out of here any faster, you'd do it. There was no need for arguing over the matter. Zach could make do without his family-size bag of chips. If he cried and complained about it, you'd say you accidentally dropped it into the water.

A few seconds after he said those words, you got up. Quietly yet quickly you tiptoed over to the seat. You grabbed the bad and hustled back over to the aquatic Irken you made your pact with.

There was happy trilling or churring noise that came from him as you came closer. His eyes lit up and he looked delighted with what you retrieved for him. Purple smiled and made grabbing motions at the bag.

"Take the whole thing," you said, "don't forget what we talked about."

You handed him the salty snack and he gleefully took it out of your hands. He shoved a hand into the bag and tossed a handful of them into his maw. The taste seemed to please him and his antennae wiggled in joy.

"Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff!" he said even with his mouth full. "Awesome!" Then he paused when a realization hit him. "I never got your name. What is it?"

Initially, you were reluctant to disclose that to him. But since you had a sinking feeling he wasn't going anywhere, you knew it was pointless to withhold it. Not only that, he'd end up finding it out one way or another sooner or later. There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

So, you told him it. He repeated it and nodded his head, memorizing it.

"Great, I have your name," he said. "Plus, I memorized your face and your smell too so I won't forget you easily." Then he winked at you. "Speaking of, your aroma is very pleasant. I'll see ya around."

Before you could condemn his audacity, he clutched the bag of chips to his chest protectively. Then he slid off of the bow and pulled the rest of his body into the water. You finally caught a glimpse of his huge, tail fin, noticing it contained the greatest concentration of bioluminescence on his entire body. If you could compare the fin to anything, it looked something vaguely like a dolphin's tail. It had the general shape of it but it was webbed. The large fin nearly seemed decorative as it looked like a glittery, starry, purple sky and you found yourself temporarily enchanted by it.

You watched him submerge but you could still see the ethereal shimmer as he descended further. It remained visible for a few more seconds before the murky water swallowed up all traces of him entirely. It was like he was never even there.

You remained in your spot, staring at the area where he lingered only seconds earlier. Shock maintained an iron grip on you and you still caught yourself wondering if this really happened. As much as you wanted to disbelieve it, go home and go straight to bed, you knew it wouldn't magically be better in the morning. What you saw was real and there was no denying it. It couldn't be denied or explained away.

"What's up?" Kendra questioned, the slur still evident in her voice.

You turned around, seeing your drunken coworkers finally coming out from below the deck. They looked confused and stared back at you expectantly.

"Everything okay?" Ted said, trying to hide how smashed he was. "Why did the boat shake?"

"Water's getting rough, guys," you said. You walked over to the helm and sat down at the driver's seat. "It's time to head home, we've had enough fun for one night."

"Are we supposed to get bad weather?"

"There's a possibility, yeah. Let's get back to the marina and call it a night, alright?"

You turned the engine on and luckily the boat rumbled to life. Hastily, you threw it into gear and peeled off, wanting to get as far away from the alien merman as much as possible. They were all compromised and as the only sober one, you held the power and you were going to utilize it for damn sure. You didn't want to hear any arguing.

"Next time we decided to party on the boat…" Zack staggered over to your side. "I will drive. Promise."

"No," you said firmly, "I need to keep my wits about me and I need to learn to drive the boat. I suck at it."

"Come on, you gotta have some fun too!"

"Zack, sit down, I'm driving."

Your coworker scoffed and you ignored him. There was no time to listen to him gripe and complain. And he didn't mention anything about his missing bag of potato chips so you were happy about that too. All that mattered was getting them out of here so they'd have less of a chance of spotting the aquatic nightmare.

You were never going to touch a drop of alcohol on a boat again. Especially if said boat was in this place. You couldn't risk it. Now that you knew what was in these coastal waters, you couldn't afford to be impaired. You had to look alive. You had to be alert.

And you especially had to look out for the purple beneath the water. You knew he would be looking out for you in return.


End file.
